So, I thought I'd share a little ultraviolence from old Edinburgh. Perhaps it'll brighten your day too.
Yesterday morning most alarming cries were heard by the watchman upon the South Bridge, proceeding from a house occupied by females of the worst description. Having procured assistance and forced his way in, he observed eight females, some of them in a state of nudity, engaged in a deadly affray, and the landlady stretched upon the floor, and weltering in her blood. One of these amazons, a woman of amazing strength, was armed with a smoothing-iron, with which she was dealing blows around her in every direction. The whole party were conveyed to the watch-house, and surgical aid was procured for the landlady, whose temporal artery was cut with the smoothing-iron, and had discharged about a choppin and a half of blood. The same day the whole of the combatants, with the exception of the landlady, were sent to operate upon the tread-mill for thirty days.
By the way, a 'chopin' (spelled 'choppin' in the article) is a now-obsolete Scottish unit of measurement, equal to .848 litres or, if you prefer, 2 mutchkins.
(More obsolete Scottish units of measurement here.)