Trash such as the religious TV drama Apparitions, a BBC production to be aired in the very near future, which will feature - among other marvels - a man possessed by the devil who is flayed in a gay sauna, a father threatening to rape his daughter and Mother Teresa's death-bed exorcism.
The latter is defended against media watchdogs who find the whole thing a tad too gory by the man who concocted this marvellous concept, actor Martin Shaw (Martin Shaw as in The Professionals? I loved that show!). Shaw reminds Telegraph readers that
Christ spent 40 days in the desert and was hideously attacked by Satan. The scene is not against Mother Teresa or her message.
So Christ spent 40 days in the desert, did he, Martin? And was attacked by Satan, right?
I wish you'd get yourself onto an adult education BA in "Secular Reason for Beginners" - and soon. Otherwise it'll be witches next!
The other noteworthy item to come within the censors' purview is a frieze designed by artist Paul Day to accompany his hideous "The Meeting Place" sculpture for St Pancras station (to alleviate the burden of this totalitarian lump of bronze, more like it).
The new sculpture, which depicts scenes of urban grit and despair (public snogging, nose poking and self-immolation) as well as a skeletal train driver, reflected in a pair of sunglasses, was deemed "completely unsuitable" by London & Continental Railway officials. Work on the frieze was suspended immediately when train drivers and the families of suicide victims complained that it was bad taste.
Why the heck said officials didn't look at the design before they commissioned this sculpture is beyond me.
But then again, it is also beyond me why any bank would give completely credit-unworthy people virtually unrepayable loans - and yet look at where this common practice has gotten us. I reckon I need a good dose of Apparitions to get to grips with this world.
Anyway, Paul Day defends his work, explaining that "the sunglasses image was supposed to be a metaphor for the way people's imaginations run wild".
Yeah? Wicked, man.
And he points out:
"The imagination and real life are often intermingled," he said. "Tragedy in art is about creating hope out of drama, through the beauty of the image but also by going beyond the image."
Pity, that. I thought the frieze was a satirical visual pun on the freak accident information typically proffered by the Daily Mail, on whose pages the end is always night, foreigners will eat our swans and the nasty nanny state is hell bent on meddling with our sacred national project of making our already obese sprogs even fatter and fatter.