Make my (jubilee) day

Should any republican demonstrations get out of hand today, it seems Her Majesty should be able to handle things.



So let's be careful out there, my friends.

(Image via The Shirk Report)

Not so much a garden, more a defensive perimeter

The Combat Garden Gnome:

Available from Etsy, found via Boing Boing.

On being selective

George Orwell, about 70 years ago, describing the actions of himself and his wife after their building was (in the end only slightly)damaged by a bomb:

We slipped on some clothes, grabbed up a few things and went out, at this time imagining that the house might be seriously on fire and it might be impossible to get back. At such times one takes what one feels to be important, and I noticed afterwards that what I had taken was not my typewriter or any documents but my firearms and a haversack containing food, etc., which was always kept ready.

Priorities, priorities....

Set your sights on good fortune

I'm a bit of a sucker for songs with firearm metaphors.

Good thing John Darnielle writes so many of them.


The Mountain Goats: 'For Charles Bronson'.

Nothing like a little Christmas-season vengeance

Speaking of things to look forward to:



And here's a review to accompany the trailer.

Saturday night music randomness

I just love this song:



And, while we're talking about weapons, this one:



And, while we're talking Warren Zevon:

Running amok: make it 'as boring as possible'

I'm not currently in a position to judge how the British television media is handling yesterday's terrible shooting spree in Cumbria, and I'm also a bit agnostic about the argument that such incidents are significantly caused by the media.

But I thought this segment from Screenwipe by Charlie Brooker makes some good points about the way these events are too often presented. (His comments were sparked by coverage of the most recent Amoklauf in Germany -- a little more than a year ago in Winnenden.)



(Via the Guardian.)

One thing I do dislike, though, are the instant diagnoses that inevitably follow.

Like this one:

So a proud, insecure middle-aged man cannot bear to lose face. Unable to ignore a slight, he seethes inwardly with resentment until he explodes.

[...]

One thing is certain: While he was at the peak of the murderous quest, the adrenalin would have been pumping through his body. He would have been on a monstrous high, feeling almost invincible, like Superman, as he discharged the weapon.

Yes, indeed: we can be 'certain' he felt like 'Superman'.

(Taking off on Brooker's point: doesn't this fall into the same kind of category of serving to 'turn this murdering little twat into a sort of nihilistic pin-up boy', albeit this time for the proud, middle-aged and insecure? No doubt many of them wouldn't mind feeling a 'monstrous high' themselves. Sounds almost appealing, now that you mention it....)

Still, Blood and Treasure is on to something in observing that the descriptions being offered by people who knew the shooter -- nice, quiet, normal -- sound a bit familiar:

Obviously, people are partly playing as cast here: he was normal in the sense that no-one was going to think that he was just the kind of chap that would go on a spree killing rampage. The opinions seem to be more a product of people finding something to say to the media rather than a commentary on the individual concerned. But you can get a sort of oblique view of a man smiling maybe twenty times a day, saying the appropriate things at the appropriate times to familiar faces and slowly going mad. Maybe that’s just a product of the standard murderer story too.

For its part, the BBC describes how tough British gun laws are and notes the rarity with which guns are used in crimes there:

Police figures show that there were 39 firearms-related deaths in 2008-09 and that seven of these involved a shotgun. That total was the lowest recorded by the police in 20 years. Guns play a role in just 0.3% of all recorded crimes - one in every 330 incidents.

Though it is, of course, no comfort at all if you or someone you know ends up at the sharp end of that 0.3%.

Applied science: Make my day edition

According to a report in the Guardian, new research published in the Proceedings of the Royal Society (the original article is freely available) considers the relative speeds of proactive and reactive movement.

In the context of a quickdraw gun duel.

The conclusion:

"You move faster if you draw second, but you're still going to die," Dr Welchman said. "You'll die satisfied that you were quicker, but that's not much use to you."

So, along with that other scientifically sound gun-related admonition ('Always aim for the head when confronted by zombie hordes') we can add something else: 'always draw first'.

We have also learned something else: it seems that Niels Bohr was handy with a pistol.

Niels Bohr, who worked on the structure of the atom at the beginning of the 20th century, tested his theory by staging his own mock duels with toy guns at his institute in Copenhagen. His gunslinging partner, the Russian-born George Gamow, drew first and lost every time.

"[Bohr] can't have won because he was quicker in reacting," Welchman said. "It must be that he was a really good shot as well as a really good physicist."

I wonder how rare that particular combination is.

Incidentally, the PRS website is full of fascinating stuff: the currently most-read article is apparently Brennan, Clark and Prum, 'Explosive eversion and functional morphology of the duck penis supports sexual conflict in waterfowl genitalia'; full text is also available for free.

The methodology in a nutshell:

We used high-speed video of phallus eversion and histology to describe for the first time the functional morphology of the avian penis.

This does not sound like quite as much fun as staging mock duels with toy guns in the lab: but it sounds pretty damned interesting.

Science is so cool.

Getting into the Christmas spirit

As usual, we've been largely unsuccessful in sending out Christmas cards this year. A few lucky souls will actually receive real-world, hand-written tokens of seasonal cheer; but most of our friends and family will have to be content with something more ephemerally digital.

Long live the internet, I say.

Still, despite being an admitted failure when it comes to writing and mailing Christmas cards, I have an appreciation for good ideas when it comes to those bits of cardstock that are meant to maintain friendships and encourage seasonal spirit.

Like the ones available from Dictator Goods, which contain inspiring messages like the following, attributed to Genghis Khan:

The greatest happiness is to vanquish your enemies, to chase them before you, to rob them of their wealth, to see those dear to them bathed in tears, to clasp to your bosom their wives and daughters.

As good as that is (even better than the similar--and probably borrowed--version offered by Conan), it might be too wordy. In which case, you may prefer something more succinct, like this observation by Niccolo Machiavelli:

Before all else, be armed.

(Of course, one wishes to note--urged on by The Wife--that our Niccolo was hardly a 'dictator', but rather a very clear sighted and sensible man living in a dangerous world.)

No doubt your local gun shop has a Christmas special or two still available that might make a handsome companion to this card and could happify someone close to you this year.

There are, for example, the good people at JJ's Pawn Shop in Beaumont, Texas:



Merry Christmas, y'all!

(Dictator Goods reference via Andrew)

Happiness is a film gun

I've no doubt that everyone coming here has at some point used IMDB, the internet movie database.

And a very handy, wonderful thing it is.

A while ago (I can't recall now how), I ran across IMFDB: the internet movie firearms database.

And a very handy, wonderful thing it is.

I now know, for example, that Kate Beckinsale's signature weapons in the ridiculous but thoroughly enjoyable Underworld (I can't speak for the sequels...) were 'two Beretta 92FS handguns modified to fire in full auto with compensators attached.'

Like these:

Good to know.

Also: in Bullitt, Steve McQueen's character carries a Colt Diamondback snubnose 'fitted with grips from a Colt Detective Special.'

The distinctive fictional pistol carried by Harrison Ford in Blade Runner, we learn, was a complicated construction:

The prop was constructed from parts of a Steyr-Mannlicher Model SL rifle and a Charter Arms Bulldog revolver. Side covers were added to cover the bulldog's cylinder, and different bolt heads and screw heads were used to offer an illusion of [knobs] and controls. The gun was also equipped with at least 6 LED lights, though not all of them worked throughout the production.

If you're a fan of gunplay and action films (and, indeed, I am) there's a lot of fun to be had. The entries for films like No Country for Old Men or The Way of the Gun or Hard Boiled are, as to be expected, pretty extensive.

But I also see that there are entries for The Big Lebowski and Borat.

IMFDB can, I admit, be kind of addictive.

Happy hunting.

End-of-the-week German word: 'Schussbild'

Literally: 'shot-picture'.

I believe the English -- or more likely American -- equivalent is 'grouping', but I didn't become an enthusiast for this kind of thing until long after I'd arrived on these European shores, so I'm not sure about that.

Some Anglophone gun-nut will have to confirm this for me.

Anyway, after a few months of effort with the new tool for putting holes in paper from a distance, I'm finally feeling good about mine. (My 'grouping', that is. This is at 25m for those of you who care about these things.)

Although that 7, of course, still bugs me: lapse of concentration.

And the near-7 on the right: sloppy trigger technique.

It happens. You have to leave it behind. Every shot is a chance to begin anew, after all, as the Zen master observed.

Still, a relatively soothing evening at the range. Which was much needed.

It's been an odd and stressful and, somehow, momentous couple of weeks. The momentous bit you'll likely find out more about when things are more...settled, shall we say.

Some of the odd and stressful bits have been relieved by finding out that a (dear) family member is less ill (we think) than believed at first. This is definitely the most important thing this week, and we wish him, publicly and earnestly, a quick recovery.

Still, the fragility of the bodily containers that contain our special unique personhoods has once again been brought to our attention.

And this is never a very comfortable thing.

So, going into the weekend, I offer for those of you who haven't had the chance to leave your weekly frustrations behind through a blaze of lead and gunpowder, a few relaxing tunes whose beauty I've been reminded of via the 'random play all' feature on my MP3 player over the last few days.



'Green is the Colour', Pink Floyd



'Ripple', The Grateful Dead



'Woodcat', Tunng

Yeah. Groovy.

Take care, all.

Storage solutions

Apparently there's been some brouhaha over the comment by New York's new Hillary-replacing senator, Kirsten Gillibrand, that she keeps two rifles under her bed. The weapons have since been moved to a more secure hiding place, apparently out of concern that their previous location had been revealed.

This is the occasion for Michael Schulman at The New Yorker to pose somewhat snarky questions to Thomas H. King, president of the New York State Rifle & Pistol Association about 'where to hide your rifles'.

We do learn, though, just in case you were wondering, about a few bad ideas for gun storage.

Like:

One place to avoid: the refrigerator. “It would probably cause rust because of the moisture.”

Very helpful.

I like King's responses at the end:

King, who lives about thirty-five miles from Gillibrand’s house, added that he owns rifles himself, but wouldn’t say how many (“That’s none of your business”) or where he keeps them (“That’s none of your business, either”). He did confirm, however, that they are not under his bed.

In Germany, in case you're interested in these things, the law requires all firearms to be stored, unloaded, in safes. The ammunition has to be kept seperately (and not in the refrigerator).

Where the safe resides?

None of your business.

Scary Friday

A rather random collection of things for your perusal and enjoyment at the end of the week.

First, a striking transformation across six years, captured in mug-shots:


Further information available at The Smoking Gun (via Boing Boing).

I'm a bit awestruck at this tattooing: I mean, imagine the pain of having all of that space filled in...on your face. And, along with all the satanic imagery and the Celtic knots, there's this...what?...bow tie?! On his throat!?

Nice touch. Impressive.

Even more disturbed (and far more wonderful) is 'Chainsaw Maid', a short claymation zombie film from Takena, a Japanese college student. (Also via Boing Boing).

This is gory. You wouldn't think that clay figures exploding in fountains of blood and vomiting their entrails over the coffee table could provoke such a strong reaction.

But they do.



There is much more of the same.

In other news, the 'Palm Pistol', a single-shot 9mm pistol from Constitution Arms, is designed to make armed self defence available to the elderly and handicapped.

Here it is:

From Sky News:

"Point and shoot couldn't be easier," the New Jersey-based company claims on its website.

And it goes on to say: "It is ideal for seniors, disabled or others who may have dexterity limitations or difficulty sighting and controlling a traditional revolver or semi-automatic pistol."

The Palm Pistol has been certified as a Class I Medical Device by the US Food and Drug Administration, Constitution Arms said.

That means doctors could prescribe it to certain people, such as those who have had fingers amputated.

I'm...still struggling a bit with how a firearm can be classified as a medical need, but it's an interesting invention, I have to admit, even though I'd prefer to have a second round available, just to be sure.

And it's definitely socially inclusive.

Just make sure you don't confuse it for an asthma inhaler. The results could be tragic.

Finally, we give some apparently much-needed attention to 'Otto', an octopus at the Coburg Aquarium in Germany.

Here's Otto:

He has, apparently, been a bit high-maintenance recently:

"Once we saw him juggling the hermit crabs in his tank, another time he threw stones against the glass damaging it. And from time to time he completely re-arranges his tank to make it suit his own taste better - much to the distress of his fellow tank inhabitants."

After all that intimidation, blood, weaponry and hooliganism, it might be time for something a bit more soothing.

Like some inter-species friendship.

More on this story from The Sun.

Welcome to the weekend!

Christmas: Reloaded

Given that we are now more or less officially in the holiday season, my thoughts naturally turn to the topic of firearms.

And there are a few gaps on my wishlist that need filling.

First, via Boing Boing, we have this astonishing chainsaw bayonet attachment for an assault rifle.



It might be a bit unwieldy for home defence, but as Cory Doctorow and Neatorama agree, this might make an ideal anti-Zombie weapon.

And, as the video shows, it also kills pumpkins dead.

The creativity of the chainsaw bayonet reminded me of a video I'd seen some time ago (though I've forgotten where), demonstrating the FMG9 folding sub-machinegun:



Remember: 'if it gets nasty, get down to business.'

It makes an ideal stocking stuffer.

Elsewhere recently, Dale (who we are delighted to see has also said 'Hebbo!' to Tarvu) has had his eye on a Remington Model 700 XCR. ('Extreme conditions call for an extreme gun', as the promotional material says, and I can't fault that logic.)

However, he was unhappy with this picture.



What is the reason for Dale's discontent? After all, this is a very handsome rifle indeed. Well...

It's that this image was gotten to by clicking a hyperlink located directly beneath a heading of "Select Your Left-Hand Firearm" on a page titled "Remington Left-Hand Firearms." Does that look like a firearm for a left-handed shooter? Well, does it, punk? Do you feel lucky? No. It doesn't look like that, and I can tell you don't feel lucky. The bolt is sitting directly in the left-handed shooter's face -- exactly the sort of design characteristic that flags a rifle as an ungainly right-handed tool when it comes into the hands of a peace-loving, easygoing, handsome, charming, modest left-handed shooter.

Being right handed, I've never had to consider this (as in most other spheres of life, we northpaws are also well catered to by the arms industry), but in an Independent article that The Wife just sent me, I see that Dale is not alone.

None other than Angelina Jolie has battled a similar problem, we are informed:

[She] had to have guns specially made so that she could reload them easily for the film Lara Croft: Tomb Raider.

Just something else to keep in mind when buying guns for your loved ones this holiday season. (I am assured that Santa's workshop has a very capable gunsmith on staff, who is quite capable of making any necessary adjustments).

What relevance Ms. Jolie's reloading problems have to an article on the academic performance of left-handed students escapes me, but that's perhaps an issue for another time.

In the meantime, have a happy and safe holiday season.

But watch out for those pumpkins, and, if necessary, get down to business.

[UPDATE]: Should the chainsaw bayonet, the folding sub-machinegun or a left-handed rifle break your recession-era Christmas budget, you may just want to give your nearest and dearest gun lover an appropriately themed poster.

Like this one:



(via the fine people at Popcorn & Sticky Floors)