Friday, May 16, 2008

You can, unfortunately, get here from there

Having invested a fair amount of blood, sweat and -- yes, dear reader -- even the occasional tear in this here outpost of reason and sensibility (and, admittedly, a certain amount of bitterness), it is fascinating to see just how people find their ways to us.

Yes, sitemeter is quite a fascinating little tool.

Bing has even developed quite an entertaining regular feature at his (wonderfully entertaining) blog based on the search terms by which people find him.

This is always very funny.

We're not quite up to such humour. We are not, fundamentally, funny people.

Nonetheless, let me just put it this way: you'd be surprised how many people use the vast power of the internet to find new dessert recipes.

Really, it's amazing.

We seem to receive a large portion of our relatively few visits via search requests along the lines of 'new German desserts' or 'fun desserts' or even the extraordinarily odd 'how humans affected desserts'.

To be honest, I cannot even begin to comprehend the context in which the last set of search words can even provide a meaningful answer.

Nor can I even imagine what kind of let-down it must have been for this person to click that link at the top of the Google.com search page (at least it's still there today) only to find my long-winded critique of a book about the genetics of capitalist development.

That must have been a drag. I'm sorry, whoever you were.

Then, as you might imagine, the 'obscene' part of our title also brings in its share of visitors. (I haven't kept stats on this, but quite a few are located in Pakistan or Saudi Arabia.)

Many of them, I imagine, must be sorely disappointed when, instead of the dozens of lissome Central European bondage addicts that they were hoping to find (no, really, they are quite specific), they stumble across a text-heavy blog populated by two academics with anger management issues.

That must be a tough few moments for them.

So, I suppose my point is that despite the fact that we have little to do here either with pornography or sugary delicacies, we get a lot of traffic (OK, a trickle...) that is seeking one or the other.

And I am repeatedly astounded by what they were seeking.

However, today, someone stumbled upon our humble little electronic abode by searching for something that was both quite specific and quite disturbing in a way that was new to me.

I say this although we are -- I believe -- quite open-minded people.

Really.

We are not prudes.

However, even we were a bit taken aback when we found out that -- at least today -- if you type the following into Google.co.uk, we end up at the top of the list:

german granny fucking out side in the wood or fields

And someone, who visited us at about 2 o'clock this afternoon, did type this into Google.co.uk.

What I perhaps find most intriguing about this is both its extraordinary specificity (she must be German, she must be a senior citizen, she must be engaged in sexual intercourse, and she must be out-of-doors) as well as its tolerant broadmindedness (she can be doing the aforementioned in the wood or in the fields. In the end, it's all good).

What is also interesting is that Google.co.uk also adds the helpful suggestion: 'did you mean', it asks,

german granny fucking outside in the wood or fields?


And with 'out side' transformed into 'outside', we slide down (at least today) to second place in the rankings.

Such an enormous difference the space bar can make, eh?

([UPDATE]: Um, apparently due to this very post, that is no longer true. We're now top-ranked in both cases. Excellent...)

I'm not sure what to make of this.

Unfortunately, I can't say too much about the searcher. Mr. visit 23,470 (and, yes, odds are we're talking about a he) shows up as 'unknown' in terms of server and country.

Which is a shame.

Somehow, I want to know more.

I think there must be a story here. One that the world should know.

He disappeared after only one page view, so he obviously didn't find what he was looking for.

And this makes me feel immensely relieved somehow.

1 comment:

iambilly said...

I think the one about how humans affected desserts may be about humans affecting deserts - deforestation, soil salinity due to agriculture, and erosion.