IOWA CITY, Iowa — Iowa City police are investigating an early morning assault in which a man accused another of being a zombie, then punched him twice. Police said the assault occurred at 1:17 a.m. Sunday at an Iowa City restaurant south of the University of Iowa campus.
A man was ordering food when he was approached by another man who called him a zombie, then hit him in the eye. When the victim tried to call police on his cell phone, the man punched him again, breaking his nose.
The man then ran out a back door.
The victim was taken by ambulance to a hospital.
As anyone knows, a real zombie would remain largely unfazed by a broken nose.
I mean: duh.
Of course, I feel bad for the obviously non-zombie victim and am very glad that his -- equally obviously -- deranged attacker didn't try a more effective anti-zombie attack, which usually involves decapitation, fire or, alternatively, destruction of the brain through high-powered weapons.
'Always aim for the head' is excellent advice. But always check those targets first.
And if your target is standing in line, ordering food, he's not a zombie.