Wednesday, June 17, 2009

David Cameron: Unfunny and Uninformed

Oh David, David - you don't know anything, do you?



Do you seriously believe that not carrying your ID-card in Germany incurs the pithy act of interpellation that you depict in your charming faux-Cleesian vaudeville routine?

Oh no, my dear friend, here in Tschermany we have other vays of making you pay for not being able to identify yourself properly (and, no, your adult video club membership card does not count as "properly")! The usual treatment involves tearing the flesh from your breasts, arms and thighs with red-hot pincers, burning the hand that should have held the object of identification with sulphur, and pouring molten lead, boiling oil, burning resin, wax and sulphur melted together on the pitiable rump that remains of your body after this treatment.

After that you will be drawn and quartered by four horses, your limbs and body consumed by fire and your ashes thrown to the winds (morbid details via Michel Foucault, Discipline and Punish).

That'll teach you not to carry your ID-card!

But that's only the special Sunday treatment. The rest of the week you will merely be tasered.

13 comments:

J. Carter Wood said...

No wonder I love German Sundays. I cannot wait to belong to this culture fully....

Ah....the pain....the pleaure!

Anonymous said...

verwechselt cameron in einem (absichtlichen?) anfall von anachronismus vielleicht den personalausweis mit dem judenstern?

The Wife said...

"verwechselt cameron in einem (absichtlichen?) anfall von anachronismus vielleicht den personalausweis mit dem judenstern?"

Ich glaube nicht, dass er sich irgendetwas dabei gedacht hat, oder irgendwelche historischen Analogien ziehen wollte - das ist eher so eine Art Reflex, den die Briten haben: "ID-card" - "Hiss, boo".

Richtig tiefschürfende historische Analyse findet sich hier:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1194194/Has-historian-finally-real-reason-Hitlers-obsessive-hatred-Jews.html

Mikeovswinton said...

"David Cameron:Unfunny and Uninformed"? What next, eh? "Pope Catholic"? "Richard Dawkins Athiest"? Its what John Cleese in the days he was funny and played Mr Fawlty would have called the bleedn obvious.

mikeovswinton said...

And by the way. No, none of that would ever happen to you in Munich on a soddin sunday. You'd have to wait until Monday when the place re-opened.

The Wife said...

"Its what John Cleese in the days he was funny and played Mr Fawlty would have called the bleedn obvious."

You may call me Sibyl, Mike!

I quite like the closed and quiet sundays over here. They give me a sense of enormous well-being - and allows me to sit at my desk all day. In this household, sunday is the most intense working day of the week.

mikeovswinton, beating car with birch tree said...

Sybil: I always thought Munich was peculiar in being pretty much stone dead on sundays. I'm intrigued to find that its more general. Its not true of Berlin, though, is it?

J. Carter Wood said...

Basil here.

Munich is pretty peculiar, but not in this regard. German shops are regulated by the 'Ladenschlussgesetz', about which Wikipedia has some more detailed information.

mikeovswinton und swabing said...

Fawltys; when I went to Munich even the flamin' restaurants were shut - apart from a Persian place which I might have overlooked but out of gratitude for being open when I was hungry went to every night for the rest of my stay. (Food was good, too.)
My abiding memory of that stay was of a 17 year old lad in some sort of white hotel uniform knocking on my door, walking past me and saying "I will control the mini bar." He opened it, noticed that not being mad I hadn't paid € 700 for a coke, and went out again. So, I went down and got a Spezi for 2€ on the street.

The Wife said...

Belive me, Mike, Munich has changed a lot since 1951. :-)

But I don't know much about the metropolitan lifestyle, being a provincial at heart (which, admittedly, is much pleasanter in a federalist political context than in a country like the UK).

The Wife said...

What is it about testosterone and Spezi? No woman in her right mind would drink that stuff, and yet blokes do all the time.

Though you can't get it in Britain, can you? One should try exporting it - maybe in exchange for Irn Bru.

By the way, the boy in the white uniform was Brüno.

mikeovswinton, spezimeister said...

It could well have been a young Brueno. Though any Austrian who watched the town hall clock in Munich would be scarred for life...

Spezi can be obtained in the UK. It goes like this; you buy a can of Fanta. You buy a can of Coke. You find a big glass, and after chilling them within an inch of their lives you pour them both in. Simples? None of the "Mega Mix" here - although it is useful in an emergency.

mikeovswinton an der oder said...

In my pre-vegan/veggie days I had a sausage salad in a place in Munich. (Obviously, this wasn't on a sunday.) About a pound of sausage. A slice of radish. One tired leaf of lettuce. Actually, that was the sort of thing that sent me veggie. The mustard was nice tho'.